Thinking of Leaving? How to Know If It’s Safe and What to Put in Place (Especially If You Have Children)

There is a moment, often quiet but heavy, when the thought first appears: Maybe it’s time to leave. It might come after months or years of slow erosion trust breaking in small pieces, joy replaced by tension, or love turning into something unrecognisable. For some, it arrives with a sudden jolt, a realisation that the person you share your home with is no longer safe to be around. Whatever the path that leads you here, the decision to leave a relationship is never simple, and it becomes even more layered when children are part of the picture.

Before anything else, safety must be your first consideration. Leaving can sometimes be the most dangerous moment in a volatile or abusive relationship. If your partner has shown aggression, made threats, controlled your movements, or monitored your communications, the risk can increase once they know you are leaving. This doesn’t mean you cannot go it means you may need to go carefully, quietly, and with support. Domestic abuse services exist for this very reason, and reaching out to them before taking any steps can give you a plan designed to protect both you and your children.

If it is safe to do so, there is value in quietly preparing. This is not about being deceitful it’s about safeguarding your future. Small steps, taken calmly, can make a big difference when the moment to go arrives. Gathering important documents such as passports, birth certificates, bank statements, and medical records ensures you are not left vulnerable later. Updating passwords and securing access to your accounts protects your privacy. Even something as simple as putting aside a small emergency fund, however modest, can give you breathing space in those first days of independence. Many people underestimate the comfort of knowing they have somewhere to go, even if it’s just a friend’s spare room or a family member’s sofa. Having a clear destination in mind can take some of the fear out of that first night away.

When children are involved, the emotional weight of leaving can feel almost unbearable. The decision is no longer just about your happiness it’s about their stability, safety, and well-being. You may find yourself questioning whether disrupting their home life will harm them more than staying. But children absorb the atmosphere around them; they feel tension even when it is unspoken, and they learn from the dynamics they witness. Protecting them sometimes means removing them from what is familiar in order to give them something better. Speaking to a solicitor or legal advisor before you leave can help you understand custody arrangements, parental rights, and the best ways to protect your children from any legal complications later. Their schooling and routines should be considered too changes are easier for children to handle when they can keep some sense of normality in their day-to-day life.

Leaving a relationship can stir up a storm of emotions grief, guilt, fear, even moments of doubt about whether you’ve made the right decision. It is essential to have a support network during this time. This might be close friends or family who understand your situation, but it can also be a counsellor or coach who provides guidance without judgement. For your children, age-appropriate counselling or simply the presence of a stable, reassuring adult can help them process the changes in a healthy way.

The day you actually leave will likely be one of the most emotionally charged days of your life. If possible, choose a moment when your partner is not home or have someone with you who can help keep things calm. Have your belongings packed and your transport arranged before you begin. Keep your phone charged, and write down important numbers on paper in case your phone is lost or switched off. It may feel overwhelming, but the more you can prepare ahead of time, the more you can focus on simply getting yourself and your children to safety.

You may feel conflicted in the days or weeks after leaving. You may miss the good moments, even if they were few, and you may question your decision. This is normal it does not mean you have made the wrong choice. It means you are human, and you are grieving the end of something that once mattered deeply. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions without letting them pull you back into a situation that was harming you. In time, the space you have created will allow peace to grow where there was once tension, and hope to return where fear had taken root.

If you are reading this while wrestling with the decision to leave, know that you are not alone. The path ahead might feel uncertain, but you do not have to walk it by yourself. There are people, organisations, and resources ready to support you ready to help you take that next step safely and with dignity. Whether you are leaving for your own safety, for your children’s future, or simply because you know deep down that you deserve more, trust that you are capable of building a life where love feels like home, not a battle.